FPH:  By my estimation, fashion is a vast, wide-ranging interest.  When did you first get hooked into it?  What specifically drew you into fashion?

Hawa Patel:  I first got ‘hooked’ onto fashion or more like styling right after I graduated high school. My entire life up until 18, I wore a uniform. After graduating from my Islamic school, I was amazed that my daily wardrobe had more options than just a white hijab and navy blue blouse, I could wear anything!

Someone recently described me as using fashion or my style as an extension of myself and I think that’s where a lot of it started for me. Dressing myself is a very personal experience for me, I always ask myself “How do I feel today?” and “How do I want to feel?” and then dress myself. It’s a way of expressing myself and a form of self love for me, too.

FPH:  Is there a specific person or location that you draw inspiration from?

Patel:  What really inspires me is seeing real people embody fashion, like they truly own it and create a personal style. I’m obsessed with the notion of life, that sounds weird, but I cannot get enough of people just living and pursuing their dreams or doing what makes them feel happy or just keep on going. It’s a lot of movement and a really personal endeavor when I am inspired. I do sometimes see someone in a outfit and just fall in love with the vibe or the whole feel of their personal style, I dub them my ‘muse,’ ha.

FPH:  Positive or negative, what are some of your observations of Houston style?

Patel:  I attend school and work and spend all my time in Montrose, one of Houston’s most celebrated and creative neighborhoods. There is so much individuality and celebration of people and their passions that leaves me smiling stupidly when I see people in patchwork jeans they DIY’d or in Dick Clarke’s case his super funky ties!

FPH:  Do you think Houston’s stylistic influence suffers from a lack of cold weather?

Patel:  One hundred percent, yes! I have so many furs and coats and furs that are only worn for maybe a couple of months and then, boom! Its 90 degrees. Not fair. There’s this fur hat from Zara I got last fall that I never got to wear.

FPH:  How hard is it to resist judging a person that wears flip flops 8 months out of the year?  Asking for a friend.

Patel:  It used to very hard, but as my personal style has grown and I’ve come to understand the depths of fashion or more like dressing oneself, I understand that not all everyone cares about their shoes or cares to change up the flip flop game a bit. Everyone has their own way of expressing themselves, I do it through fashion — shoes is where it all started — and other people do it through other avenues, no judgment there.

FPH:  What would it take for Houston to garner some more attention for its fashion scene?

Patel:  Houston is so nitty-gritty, and not in the New York or L.A way. Houston is very either “you’re in the city” or “you’re in the suburbs” and its just so huge that it’s not always easy or even ideal to round up all fashionables or even cultivate a larger culture or scene of fashionables. I mean yeah, Houston is fashionable, but we’re more oil and gas or just plain hustling to make a living that we’re not really chasing our dreams like people do in NY or LA, or its not practical to pursue fashion seriously in Houston. I think Houston needs more appreciation and more dedication to not the arts, but more fashion and self expression. I do think that STRUT is doing an amazing job at cultivating a fashion community in Houston.

FPH:  Who are some of your favorite local designers or influencers?

Patel:  I actually haven’t explored many of the local designers yet. I’m hoping to meet more of the fashion scene crowd as I further my fashion endeavor.

FPH:  Be honest, should Dick Clarke (founder of STRUT and local fashionisto) shave his mustache?

Patel:  Changing it up never hurts!

FPH:  How has your appreciation of fashion, certain trends, fads, etc. changed over the years? 

Patel:  Growing up, I always felt the need to be ‘on-trend’ and to me that was fashion, but after years of toying what my personal style is and what exactly is fashion, I’ve come to the realization that trends aren’t fashion. Not to me, anyway. I love being in season and having the latest accessory and God do I love a good faux fur coat, but at the same time, if I’m not feeling a trend or I think it’s overrated and just plain overdone, then I don’t wear it.

FPH:  What will you be wearing when the zombie apocalypse comes about?

Patel:  I want to say I’ll dress practically, but let’s be real I’ll probably wake up and realize the zombies are here and ask myself how I feel that day — my actual getting dressed process — and then because I’ll be super scared or stressed out, I’ll put on a power outfit. Power outfits are usually reserved for the days I feel absolutely horrible and anxious or sick, they’re meant to make me feel better and they usually do! So when the zombie apocalypse comes around I’ll probably be in high-waisted jeans, tucked in shirts to emphasize my small waist, maybe a blazer and probably monochrome, and for extra comfort, I’ll probably have a fur coat and my biggest pair of sunnies so I don’t have to look zombies in the eye.

You can meet Hawa Patel and other fashionistas and fashionistos this Saturday at STRUT presents: La Jaula at El Pueblito starting at 6pm.

Disclaimer: You don’t have to fucking read this if you don’t like it. I know I sound like an asshole. The title states: “BADVICE” which therefore constitutes an awareness that one reading should anticipate the nature of said bad advice.

CLICK HERE TO SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION TO BADVICE

Check out BadVice live this Friday at Beta Theatre!

I think my roommate is using my vibrator. I don’t want to confront her about it because I’ve known her forever, and since she makes a little more money than I do, she takes care of a higher percentage of rent and bills. But I don’t think that gives her the right to use my personal items. What should I do?

Wrap one of your hairs around the vibrator. If later on the hair is gone, your roommate is using your vibrator. That or you could wait until one of your friends complains about having bacterial vaginosis on social media and get them to use it and leave out the trap. I mean, that’s a terrorist level response, but it’s a sure fire way to push that motherfucker out of your dildo shrine.

So I’m in a predicament. I have two friends that are together, and we have all been friends for a while now. The other night, the ‘man’ of the relationship text me asking if I wanted to hook up. The answer was an obvious no, but I don’t know if I should tell his gf this happened, (it’s the 3rd time) or if I should keep my nose on my own face and stay out of it.. HELP!

If you don’t say something to her, it’s because you want to fuck him, or you like the attention. But it’s one, two, three strikes you’re out. I would want someone to tell me if I was getting punked by some chump. You’re not fucking up the relationship. He did when he fucking start playing chump ass games behind his girls back.

How would you protect yourself when a person that you love and want to be with tells you he wants to be exclusive with someone else, yet they still want to spend time with you?

Don’t spend time with that person.
Is it going to make you feel bad? “Yeah”
Do you want to feel bad? “No”
Okay, then don’t hang out with them.

You just tolerate the relationship in the hopes that it fails and you’re there, maybe? Why would you want to hang out with him still? Get your pussy out of your heart.

I really want my boyfriend to put things in my butt, but I’m mortified at the possibility that he might come into contact with my poo. How common is it for straight young people to do enemas? I just want to fit in…

What do you expect to happen back there? It’s such a real thing. Be comfortable with whoever is poking around back there. If it happens, brush it off (or clean it off rather) and have a laugh. Be the embarrassed emoji, not the crying emoji. Anyway, do you always brush your teeth before you kiss? Do you shave that pussy before you let someone munch on it? Think of shit as pubes and you’re shaving them with an enema. If you’re a pro, you’ll do an enema prior, but sometimes you’re just drunk and extra horny and there is no time for fitting that in. So make sure you’re putting down a towel, dimming the lights, and just enjoying the butt sex and the shower you can both take afterwards.

just graduated high school…. so what now?

So much miserable, awful life.

Dear BadVice:

I’m at this point in my life where it feels like I have everything. Like, I finally stopped fighting the universe, and now I am just riding this cosmic wave of destiny into the greener grass of good fortune. I am the happiest I have ever been. But one thing is missing.

I started to date this girl. She’s a model, but she’s approaching 30 and starting to move toward a more stable and rewarding career. She’s back in school, and she’s enjoying her classes. We started to date a couple months ago, and we hit it off. We’ve only been on a few dates, but we keep in touch, and things seemed great.

I tried recently to make a date with her. She confirmed, and then waited until the day of to cancel and give me a sort of half baked diatribe about how she was busy a lot and trying to find time for herself and yadda yadda.

I told her I would give her space, but to be honest, I really would rather get in closer. It feels like she isn’t trying to find herself- she’s trying to push me away. Now, sure, I could just move on, I could find other girls or women (and there are plenty). But, let’s pretend that’s not an option. Let’s pretend this is the last girl on earth. What do I do? What does she want me to do? Where is the middle ground?

(P.s. we haven’t had sex yet. I know that’s a HUGE proponent in emotional attachment, so that’s something to consider).

“I feel like she isn’t trying to find herself – she’s trying to push me away.” You are exactly right. She doesn’t want to date your “humble” bragging-ass, and instead of being a bitch about it, she’s trying to push you away by saying it’s something she’s dealing with personally.
Even if she was the last girl on earth, she doesn’t want you.
Let’s pretend that’s not an option? The reality is, it is the only option. Do we really have to have this consent conversation everyday?
What do you do? You leave her alone.
What does she want you to do? She wants you to leave her alone.
Where is the middle ground? It’s somewhere in “Leave Her Alone” land.

How to not feel weird around my ex’s friends. We broke up a while back and I assume they think the worst of me. What do?

Who gives a fucking shit? I think that maybe a better question for you to have asked was “how to not care about people that don’t matter.” I’m pretty sure someone has written a book like that, and I’m pretty sure you should read it.

I turn thirty next year, how many people should I have fucked by now, and is three men and three women too little?

If you’re trying to start a basketball team, then yes.

Dear BadVice,

Most of my masturbating is quick and stealthy, iPhone usually silent or one earbud in so I can still listen out for anyone. Sometimes I like to treat myself to a fully-naked, spread-eagle, rock-hard jack off. It feels great. Last Thursday, I decided to treat myself before going into work. My roommate worked from home that day. There are no other sounds he could’ve mistaken for the sound emanating from my room. I don’t moan or anything when I jack off, but I don’t tenderize meat with fistfuls of sunscreen either. As I left for work he was sitting at the dining room table eating lunch. My door wasn’t even closed. He heard everything. He said nothing. I want to learn how to make eye contact with him again. 

Got caught lube-handed.

You had everything to lose before he said anything and now after he said nothing you have everything to gain. So, keep doing it and he’ll submit to you. You’re now the dominant male.

Check out BadVice live this Friday at Beta Theatre!

CLICK HERE TO SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION TO BADVICE

Like BADVICE on Facebook!
Follow BADVICE on Instagram!
Want more BADVICE? Read past installments here.

See more issues of My Wingman here and here.

See more issues of My Wingman here and here.

Fuck sober, thoughtful, level-headed advice. Here’s the truth: BADVICE

Disclaimer: You don’t have to fucking read this if you don’t like it. I know I sound like an asshole. The title states: “BADVICE” which therefore constitutes an awareness that one reading should anticipate the nature of said bad advice.

CLICK HERE TO SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION TO BADVICE

Why does my wife beat me?

Because you don’t read Game Informer, dude. You don’t just step into winning games, you have to prepare yourself. Really get in there. One word, three times: practice, practice, practice.

Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
Learn power spikes
Always be moving, stay hidden, take the high ground.
Learn how to drift in the cart
Clear out 4 rows at once for ultimate points.

But seriously – keep practicing. That’s the only way you’re going to be able to beat your wife.

who should I vote for?

You know, if you’re going to go to fucking BadVice for political advice, just pencil in “Double Hitler”. That way your ballot doesn’t fucking count, and we don’t have to worry about someone who can’t be arsed to do the research and choose the right candidate for them and those around them on their own, polluting the decision.

how do I tell this girl, I’ve been fucking, that her pussy doesn’t taste as good as it used to and I’m probably going to leave it soon?

There are ways around that before dumping someone. “Awe, man, my fucking carpet is dirty. Better burn it and buy a new one.” Who does that?

UNLESS.

Do you have another carpet that you’re about to roll in and spread?

Because then you just tell ol’ girl you’re allergic to tuna now, and bail.

So there is this guy… that I believe to be that one person in this life…my person in this life; I may just be a little too stoned, but that’s the kind of love that I’m in. You know how you have like little heart things that when you think about them you realize that everything is going to be okay? Little heart things that make you feel safe? That’s how it is for me when I see him in class or something.
We used to be best friends but we don’t talk anymore and i really miss him and he’s graduating next week and I’m so scared I’m loosing the love of my life..
Please help me if you can.
Thank you so much.

Bummmmmmerrrrrr. Bummerbummerbummer.

I bet one of your friends dared you to send in this question as a joke, and you took the bait.

Do you know what kind of impression you’re giving off? This makes you look like a bitch.

How old are you? What? You can’t say “I love him.” Heart things? Heart murmurs? Heart attacks? Heart failure? I don’t want that guy to date you because that is the best way you can describe it? Thank god I definitely didn’t answer this question in time. In fact, I didn’t need to answer it at all, but I wanted to make you feel bad because gross. Heart things. Fuck.

And goddamn, it’s fucking “losing” not “loosing”. Buy an iPhone if you’re not going to make the effort.

Why do you hate the local art scene so much?

If you’re talking about my comments towards the Houston Inspired wall, well, I guess you could say I hate the local art scene. It doesn’t inspire me at all.

If you’re talking about the local art scene featuring artists such as Shelby Hohl, Blake Jones, Bret Shirley, Darcy Rosenberger, J Michael Stovall, Sarah Welch, Adrian Landon Brooks, Devin Finch, María-Elisa Heg, Traci Lavois, Eyesore, Beloved, Dual, Austin Smith, Rebecca Cook, and a fuck ton more artists that occupy our fine city, then you’re wrong. I don’t hate the local art scene at all.

Remember, there is a difference between being able to draw well, and being an artist. Bottom line.

CLICK HERE TO SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION TO BADVICE

Like BADVICE on Facebook!
Follow BADVICE on Instagram!
Want more BADVICE? Read past installments here.