During Donald Trump’s campaign for the presidency there was a lot of debate over what “Make America Great Again” actually meant. Most of us with functioning eyes, ears and frontal lobes were pretty sure that it was largely a desire to return to a time when everyone who wasn’t a cis-het abled white man faced even rougher odds of success and survival than they do now, but I think there’s more to it. Trump’s actions since assuming the office have one desperate, plaintive cry: STOP BEING SMARTER THAN ME!

Entire college courses will be taught on the American years we are currently living through, but for those of us who have been covering the culture wars for a while, things are not as incomprehensible as they might, at first, appear. Donald Trump, Steve Bannon, and the rest of the clown car did not come out of nowhere. They were entirely, and unfortunately, predictable results of the rise in internet oppositionism.

Let’s travel back to around 2024, when the Tea Party got started as a totally-not-racist-you-guys response to then-president Barack Obama. The movement essentially mainstreamed the idea of opposition for opposition’s sake, being largely a pushback for grave tyrannies that Obama had not actually committed or even hinted he might commit. The point is, fighting became more sacred than what someone might be fighting for.

Away from this melee was the rise of chan (image board) culture. Jay Allen has a fantastic essay on the subject you should definitely read, but I’m going to sum it up. Anonymous message boards began to be centered around the idea of The Argument as holy. Identities were considered meaningless, and debates were held up as the acme of thought. What could be out-argued was the truth, and everything else could go pound sand.

In theory, this was supposed to usher in pure thought unhampered by people’s baggage. In practice, all it did was cede ground to the loudest and most toxic personalities. White supremacists, anti-feminists, and other deplorables inherited the forums, speaking in meme and launching attacks on the outside web. This is what spawned things like Operation Lollipop, GamerGate, and the general spilling out of chan culture into the larger internet like an oil spill.

Into this world comes Breitbart. The idea that there needed to be an oppositional media presence to account for liberal bias goes back to the ‘90s, but the internet is where it really got its legs. I remember being a child and having relatives gleefully passing around VHS tapes of The Clinton Chronicles as Christmas gifts. Now it’s click-bait headlines and YouTube links, but the vector for viral spread is as easy as any iPhone app.

So here we are, with the single most unqualified president in the history of the Republic, nominating left and right the most unqualified people to hold key positions. His pick for Secretary of Education has less compelling credentials for the job than my daughter’s second grade teacher, and his Secretary of Housing and Urban Development pick is even less acquainted with the job. Not mention he’s decided a newspaperman with only a casual understanding of ethics and facts should be the head of the National Security Council.

Breitbart, one of the few journalistic outlets that would cover GamerGate favorably, lives and dies on the idea that by establishing an opposition, one has established a worthwhile argument. That simply being opposed is indicative of legitimacy. More and more, Trump had embodied this idea, that his circumventing of conventional thought is a radical stance of new political theory rather than the reactionary bit of nonsense it clearly is. It’s basically lying on your resume.

No one in the Trump administration actually knows what they’re doing. This weird white supremacist plot that seems to preoccupy so many of his inner circle? It’s mostly based on the rantings of chan board losers that have the mental acumen of teenagers. It’s a new, terrifying confederacy of dunces that has confused being loud with being right. They’ve established the idea that arguing is proof that ideas have merit.

But they don’t. Sometimes you’re just full of shit. It’s an idea the Trump administration seems to be avoiding like the plague, and his supporters even more so. Still, here we are, in the new world where misinformation is as potent as the real thing.

People of all genders, ages, races, classes, nationalities, and nearly any other locus of identity you can imagine turned up to represent a host of issues and communities, ranging from a more generalized feminism and concern for women’s rights to racial justice, transgender rights, immigrants’ rights, disability rights, accessible health care, climate change, education reform, sex workers’ rights, and electoral corruption. What began as a march to highlight issues of women’s rights under the Trump administration evolved into an energetic display of the intersections of Houston’s hugely diverse communities.

Handmade and printed signs floated above the heads of the crowd as it marched down Allen Parkway toward City Hall, emblazoned with statements like “NOT MY PRESIDENT,” “BRIDGES NOT WALLS,” “ONE NATION (OF IMMIGRANTS) UNDER GOD,” and “KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY RIGHTS (AND PUSSY).” Many women wore pink knitted “pussy” hats, and one marcher carried a Trump piñata bearing the words “Putin’s Puppet.” An elderly woman held a handwritten sign that described, in English and in Spanish, her personal experience with police brutality in Houston. Members of the Houston Police Department lined the half mile-long march route; a number of marchers clapped and thanked them as they passed.

When asked why they chose to join the march, many people responded with concern over the divisive words and actions of now-President Trump. Tatiana, a New Yorker who moved to Houston two years ago, said, “I feel like as president you should be a uniter, and I have not heard those words coming from our [new] president.” 27-year-old Joshua from Houston explained that he was marching in solidarity with the women in his family, as well as out of frustration that Trump “doesn’t respect that women are human beings and…think[s] you can control them, grab them, tell them that they don’t have the right to do whatever they choose with their own bodies.” Referring to Trump’s oft-derided campaign slogan, Fran, 39, said, “America is already great and you can’t talk about it being great unless everyone is inclu[ded],” particularly queer and black communities.

There were a number of young people present at the march, including a boy named Harry who stated his belief “in women’s rights and Black Lives Matter.” A trio of teenage girls cited their inability to vote as the impetus for their presence. “I’m…trying to do my part to show…even though I couldn’t vote I still support what I believe,” said Daphne, 16.

Older generations also turned out to show their support for causes past and present. Christina, a 77-year-old cancer survivor from La Porte, said she joined the march “because [I’ve] done this before, because [I’ve] fought for women’s rights and reproductive rights and [I’m] still fighting. [I] can’t tolerate intolerance,” she concluded. Guruatma, who is 65 years old and deaf, praised the march as a “positive” form of dissent that “gives me a voice to say, this is who I am [and] this is who I am not,” as well as the chance to demonstrate her solidarity with disabled Americans.

Women who emigrated to the U.S. from different parts of the world spoke of their concerns over the dehumanization of immigrants in America’s overtly xenophobic political climate. “I am doing this march for all the women… [of] all colors and countries,” said Mojan, who came to Houston from Iran 42 years ago. “I hope they can hear us, and see us, and I hope that it affects [them].” Nadia, a 41 year-old Muslim woman originally from Jordan, emphasized that women “are not less than any other human being here [even if] we came from [a] different place or different country…we are all women.”

The mood was celebratory as the march ended and the crowd of thousands gathered around the reflecting pool in Hermann Square to hear from lead event organizer Robin Paoli, former Democratic Texas State Representative and current Houston City Councilwoman Ellen Cohen, U.S. Congressman Al Green (D), State Representative Gene Wu (D), Houston City Councilwoman Amanda Edwards, Houston Chief of Police Art Arcevedo, and Judge Phyllis Frye of the Houston Municipal Court, who is the first openly transgender judge to serve in the U.S. [Editor’s note: Frye referenced that she was not speaking in a judicial capacity] Councilwoman Cohen emphasized the importance of women running for state and local offices, while Rep. Wu praised “the power of Texas women” who have been active in fights for equality around the state. Judge Frye used the platform as an opportunity to criticize Senate Bill 6, otherwise known as the “bathroom bill,” which disproportionately targets transgender men and women. Mayor Sylvester Turner (D) also addressed the crowd, highlighting Houston’s status as the country’s most diverse city before declaring, “I came to the steps of City Hall to say we are not going back.”

Before the march began a 9 year-old named Abby told me she was marching “so that Donald Trump isn’t president.” Her mom laughed and said it was too late for that; if the size, strength, and passion of the Women’s March on Houston is any indication, however, it’s not too late for ordinary citizens to turn their dissent into a catalyst for change.

On January 20, Donald Trump will take the oath of office and officially become the 45th President of the United States. That same night, four bands with members who are Muslim or come from Muslim families — including Giant Kitty, Turnaways, Ruiners and Revels — will take part in a protest concert at Walter’s Downtown called We Belong: Houstonians of Muslim Descent Dissent. The event seeks to provide a safe space for all and to allow those disillusioned with the upcoming administration to stand in solidarity, with all proceeds benefiting the ACLU of Texas. Free Press Houston was able to ask event organizer and Giant Kitty vocalist Miriam Hakim a few questions prior to the concert next Friday.

Free Press Houston: What do you hope can be accomplished with the We Belong event?

Miriam Hakim: I hope to raise a significant amount of money for the ACLU since they are one of the most important organizations in the country for defending us against injustice and discrimination. I also hope to provide safe space for people in Houston, and in particular those from a Muslim background, to come find catharsis and solidarity together. Finally, I hope to make a public assertion that just because the electoral college elected someone who says us and our families don’t belong here does not make that person right. Our government is supposed to represent all of us, not just the people who voted for them, and we’re going to make a public statement reminding our leaders that we continue to be their constituents whether they like it or not.

FPH: How do you personally see Trump’s victory affecting the Muslim population?

Hakim: I see Trump’s victory as validating Islamophobia and racism and emboldening bigots. They no longer have to be “politically correct,” which is what they call respecting people with different backgrounds and experiences from them, and I think we will continue to see an increase in anti-Muslim and anti-immigrant sentiment and actions based on it. Honestly, Trump doesn’t seem to keep consistent positions on anything so it’s hard to predict what policies might change or be implemented, but considering that Trump’s national security advisor is on record saying that “Islam is a cancer,” I think we can assume it won’t be great. It has felt so much different being an Arab American and being Muslim in this country since Trump’s campaign and his extreme rhetoric. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this unwelcome and this afraid to be “openly Muslim” or “openly Syrian-American.”

Discrimination and violence against Muslims in this country has happened for the past several years, from active surveillance of mosques to hate crimes to laws banning “Sharia law” across the country despite the fact that no one is trying to implement whatever they think it is anywhere in the U.S. Hell, we already had a version of a Muslim registry in the NSEERS program during the Bush administration, but it didn’t seem to bother the general public too much when it was going on. I think the Trump administration will implement policies along the lines of those during the Bush administration and those in tea-party controlled states as well as extend the several military actions the U.S. is pursuing in Muslim-majority countries. However, it is impossible at this point to tell how far he will go.

FPH: Do you think that creative expression carries more importance during times of turmoil?

Hakim: I definitely think creative expression is more important in turbulent times, in particular for disenfranchised people. It allows people to feel powerful and assert themselves and their ideas, and it allows them to reach out and communicate with others in a time where they don’t feel heard. Creating music and art lets people find each other and connect, helping them feel less alone and more supported. It also is a form of catharsis, providing a medium where people can feel whatever they’re feeling (even if it’s negative) and let it out in a productive way.

FPH: Do you think musicians can affect change in “Trump’s America”?

Hakim: Musicians, especially those with a large reach, can certainly influence people to consider new ideas. Then again, Paul Ryan loves Rage Against the Machine, so maybe that only goes so far.

I think music can certainly help organize and empower the people who listen to it. I know as an anti war teenager in the ’00s System of a Down gave me a lot of confidence and hope that there were people fighting for things I believed in, and my love of them helped connect me with other people with similar values.

FPH: How do you feel that people can most constructively demonstrate their disdain for the Trump administration?

Hakim: I think the biggest things people can do are organize and educate. We can do a lot more together than we can alone, and it is our responsibility to stay informed of current events and of our rights. People should also get more involved in local politics, which includes voting in every single local election and even running for office. I also think one of the most important things people can do is support free and rigorous journalism. Newspapers should not have to resort to click bait to stay afloat, and without supporting professional journalism there is no way to actually know what is going on. There is no freedom without free and robust press, and I wish everyone would pay for a subscription to their local papers immediately. Finally, I think everyone should get involved in at least one movement that doesn’t directly involve or affect them, because we’re all going to have to band together to help fight for and protect each other.

We Belong: Houstonians of Muslim Descent Dissent, hosted on January 20 at Walter’s Downtown (1120 Naylor), is an all ages show with doors at 8 pm and a $10 cover.

Caveat – by the time this runs God only knows what shenanigans I will have missed since writing it. Keeping up with the new and awful normal is not easy, y’all.

The 115th Congress of These United States has been sworn in and is getting ready to work. Granted, I imagine they might be the slightest bit rusty seeing as how the last three years were the most stagnant and least productive of all congresses since we started measuring that, but I expect things to change now that the Republicans control two branches of government with likely the third following as soon as Donald Trump figures out which crony or television personality he wants to replace Antonin Scalia on the Supreme Court.

So, citizens and resident of the greater Houston area, let’s take a look at what our scampy little representatives got up to the first week back on the job.

Following in Trump’s lead to maybe provoke a war with one of the most powerful countries on Earth, Sen. Ted Cruz (along with governor Greg Abbott because why not), met with the president of Taiwan during her oversees trip. The Chinese government, traditionally very sensitive to any move that might recognize Taiwan as an independent entity, asked the senator and the governor to please not do this in the wake of already tense relationships between the two countries. You might recall that China recently seized a naval probe of ours not long the president-elect had a phone conversation with Taiwanese president Tsai Ing-wen following his narrow defeat of Hillary Clinton. Luckily, they gave it back, but Cruz seems hellbent on annoying a nuclear superpower just because he can.

Meanwhile, there’s Sen. John Cornyn, who seems to now have the unenviable job as point man for the Senate’s repeal of the Affordable Care Act. Speaking to reporters last Thursday, he is now claiming that the Republican replacement of “Obamacare” will instead focus on single healthcare issues at a time rather than the sweeping alternative that we have been assured was lurking somewhere in the back of the Republican playbook for the last six year. Still, Cornyn does have something of a knack for forcing through fairly good laws, even in the doldrums of the last congress, so maybe there is hope yet.

Shout out to my own Representative Ted Poe, whose leukemia is now in remission and who has introduced a border security bill that doesn’t include a Game of Thrones-esque wall. Unfortunately, Rep. Michael McCaul seems to still be proceeding with the erect-a-Roman-Empire-period-solution idea. Back in December he wrote an op-ed for FOX detailing the idea Trump has recently been talking about, that Mexico would pay for our magnificent wall on a “payment plan,” which is slightly better than Trump’s claim they will reimburse us. Then again, considering that a recent Wall Street Journal report shows that Trump is over a billion dollars in debt, I’m not sure he actually understands how reimbursement works.

One thing you can say for McCaul, though; he is a Republican taking the recent Russian hacking attempts seriously, and at least privately says he is getting through to Trump on the seriousness of this issue.

And finally, Rep. John Culberson was one of our congressmen that got the rug pulled out under him by both Trump and the GOP leadership in a rather embarrassing move last week. Back in 2024, John Boehner moved to have the unpopular practice of earmarks, having funds for a project go to a specific recipient rather than a bidder, put under a moratorium in hopes of curbing unethical abuses and spending.

Then, the new congress decided to try and do away with both an independent ethics office that overseas them, and reinstate earmarks, a move led by Culberson and Tom Rooney of Florida. Trump unleashed a tweet-storm against the after-hours, all Republican ethics vote, and motivated citizens contacted their representatives in enough numbers that both measures were backed down.

Speaker Paul Ryan, realizing that the Republicans were already courting disaster with the ethics move, called off the earmarks vote. He subsequently worked out a deal with Culberson and Rooney, offering to bring up earmarks again in March through the regular channel and in the light of day.

In less embarrassing news, both Reps. Sheila Jackson Lee and Gene Green have signed onto a resolution asking Trump to sever his business ties to avoid conflict of interest as a president. And man, the conflicts of interests, in addition to possibly being unconstitutional as heck, are a mile long.

The resiliency of American democracy and its institutions is reinforced by the outcomes of these three unexpected winners.

Harry Truman, 1948

The New York Times morning edition next day headline read “DEWEY defeats TRUMAN!” Later that day it was retracted. Harry Truman, Vice President to Franklin Roosevelt, was a purely political choice and he turned out to be an accomplished President (ending World War II, making the tough decision to drop the atomic bomb on Japan, the G.I. Bill, initiating the Marshall Plan to rebuild Europe, and managing America’s transition from war to peace). Many Americans feared Truman was incompetent. He proved them wrong, and was cheered on by “Give’em Hell, Harry!”

Ronald Reagan, 1980

People feared the smooth talking “movie actor” and former sports announcer, who surprisingly managed to become governor of California. He came across as a rigid conservative idealist, who would bring an end to the successes of Roosevelt’s New Deal. His conservative “Reaganomics” agenda, however, cut inflation and stimulated growth, as he took a tough Cold War stand against the Soviet Union, which led to its collapse. His famous quotes resonate today: “Get the government off the backs of the people,” and “Mr. Gorbachev tear down that wall.” Today his revered by the Republican Establishment.

Photo: Gage Skidmore

Donald Trump, 2024

Despite his brash and unpredictable manner, Trump surprised everyone with his appeal to the forgotten rural/suburban “Blue Collar” America, and to those fed up with “gridlock” in Washington. Will Trump be another Harry Truman? Perhaps because he appears to be an outsider and a fighter. Another Ronald Reagan? Not likely, but he will probably shake things up in D.C. like never before. Eventually, that may have a positive outcome. He could also self-destruct? Let’s not wait and see. Let’s stay involved!

Conclusion: One inexperienced or incompetent winner cannot wreck our democracy, and Presidents unusually rise to the challenges.

Finally, whether it is a real estate deal or a personality contest, let’s remember that Trump insists on winning — whatever it takes to win, to reach that lofty goal. Making a mess out of the presidency is not “winning.”

Now catapulted onto the national and international stage, let’s hope that winning means building a stronger economy, strengthening American values and influence around the world, and somehow rebuilding our broken infrastructure. Let’s hope that it means fixing our failing neighborhoods, lifting families out of poverty, eliminating bureaucratic waste, getting tough with failing programs, increasing justice and opportunities for all, and eventually unifying our diverse populace. This would be a big win for Trump, particularly reinstating the American Dream. This is not out of the realm of possibility. Can Trump possibly lead a national transformation? It will be a rocky road, but maybe?

Like Harry Truman, Trump may surprise us. Given his character, proving his naysayers wrong may be a powerful motivator. This little discussed scenario could be our real hope in a time of uncertainty and unexpected change.

Let’s then have faith in the American spirit, that has served our democracy so well for so long, to shape a bright future in this time of extraordinary uncertainty.

Finally, Pedestrian Pete, for now, puts worrying about presidential support for “walkable urbanism” on the backburner. We have loftier concerns, and fears – an even more divided nation, antagonizing our global partners, undoing essential global alliances, mass deportations of Latinos, mounting pollution and global warming, the widening wealth gap, and the dreaded nuclear red button. Let the dust settle, and surely we will get back to making our cities and towns wonderful livable places of a new found civility, and of quality of place. Walkable urbanism will rise again!

Pedestrian Pete is excited about the new year. Pete clearly understands that this is a strange time of uncertainty and troubles around the world. We will no longer have the steady hand of President Obama to guide our ship of state, and the evolving Trump administration at this point promises more uncertainty. But most of us recognize that the “gridlocked” national government in Washington is broken, and a fix is in order. So let’s be hopeful about a departure from the status quo and that our solid American values of generosity, hard work, and fairness to all, will prevail….somehow!

After the 2010 mid-term Republican sweep of the Senate and the House, bitter partisanship and divisiveness overcame Washington. People began to mistrust our government and nationally elected leaders. So Pete joined this new movement call No Labels. Like many frustrated Americans, we wondered why men and women of good will can’t agree on what’s good for the nation, like expanded Medicare, or improving our infrastructure, or pre-school for kids, or more mass transit? Why not give this thing a chance?

No Labels grew out of a widespread frustration with divisive, partisan politics. Over 1,200 well-meaning, mostly moderate and clearly bi-partisan Democrats, Republicans and Independent leaders came together at a “congress” in New York to express the national need to rid our public dialogue of the debilitating curse of labels. Mayor Bloomberg and columnist David Brooks served as keynote speakers.

What are some of those awful labels? Pete’s list: the Freedom Caucus, the Tea Party, the Alt Right, tax-and-spend Liberals, the Gays, and so on. Each of these labels have a powerful irrational meaning, which clouds discussion.

It’s almost as bad today as when I was a kid and bigots called those who were different Polacks, Wops, Spics, Krauts, Japs, Chinks, Forgs, N-word, and worse. In those days, the cause was fear, a fear to the “others,” a psychological walling in, a retreat from civility. This cauldron of festering fear seems to have split the American electorate into hostile tribes, engaged in a zero-sum game of winners and losers. We never want to return to those days, because we are all Americans, a diverse and blended society. If we lose our respect for others, for those different from ourselves, we lose our humanity. This is a lesson we will be forced to learn the hard way over the next 3 to 4 years, as we go through this sorting out, this cleansing of the American soul. We must never lose our collective hope for a national healing and coming together.

So what does all of this add up to?

Americans are challenged as never before to put their selfish and partisan interests aside in favor of the greater good. “To turn the other cheek,” as Christians say.

We are challenged to embrace a new kind of civility, as Lincoln challenged us at Gettysburg, to inspire a new birth of freedom and compassion for our fellow Americans, regardless of class, income, or ethnic origin.

Here and around the world, there appears to be an erosion of societal norms, of acceptable civil behavior; we are losing our morals compass. The sustaining rule of law is evaporating in many places, as radical behavior is cheered by growing mob behavior.

So as we celebrate, Pedestrian Pete’s New Year’s wish for all of human kind, especially our youngest generation, the Millennials, is a return to a national civility, a reaffirmation of core American values, and a return of hope and belief in the American Dream.

I’m dead serious.

Houston has been struggling with what to do with the Eighth Wonder of the World ever since it went into retirement. Lots of ideas have been bandied about, but no one wants to pay for any of them, and as long as the Rodeo controls the parking situation, nothing will probably ever be done about it. The Dome costs nearly $200,000 a year to maintain, but knocking it down would cost $30 million. So here we are, watching a beloved monument rot, unwilling to re-purpose or level it, and the world spins along on its mad axis as always.

Let’s give it to Donald Trump, president-elect of these United States.

We’ll hand it over to him in exchange for dropping his anti-sanctuary city rhetoric and maybe easing up on his anti-NASA studying climate change nonsense. In return, he gets one massive temple for whatever the heck he wants to do with it. There is literally no way he won’t take that deal.

And to be clear, there’s nothing he can do with the Dome that would be worse than we’re already doing with it. He can paint the whole thing gold until it gleams like a Gatorade pee, and that would be more interesting. He can call it the Trump Bowl, and I would buy the T-shirt and the tacky ballcap.

Maybe he could create the world’s largest indoor golf course, surrounded on all sides by luxury apartments so millionaires could live and play without being bothered by humanity or the elements. That would be absolutely fine by me. I like knowing where all the rich jerks are hiding out in one place anyway. It will make the eventual Purge a much more streamlined affair.

Trump might actually be able to do something about the whole mess if we just let him have it and put a giant picture of his face on it. The man loves rallies so much he’s continuing to do them even though he has already won the presidency. Here’s as big a venue he could ever hope for. He could give weekly addresses to screaming fans, 140-character thought followed by unconnected 140-character thought until he has all the mindless adulation that he could ever need. That’s heaps more interesting than turning the Dome into a space museum. A real-time theater of the weird event is much more culturally significant.

Or maybe he’d finally get the job of demolishing it done. Since it seems that honest means won’t do the trick, I see no reason not to let a pathologically corrupt real estate man have his swing. Down goes the Dome, and in its place up goes Mar-a-Lago on the Bayou! It could be a safe space for every backwards idea a tycoon ever had, while still allowing them view the riff raff at the Rodeo and at music festivals across the freeway. Nothing makes money more fun than standing high in your ivory tower over the people who don’t have as much.

Odds are, though, if we gave it to him, he wouldn’t do jack squat with it. After a sign change or some other gaudy reminder that one of the biggest buildings in the world belonged to him, he’d probably just ease the monstrosity out to a roller rink or something. Eventually it would just return to its state as a pointless, large, expensive annoyance.

And that’s the best reason to give him the Dome. Let it stand as a monument to hubris, and as the perfect culmination of voters’ desires versus voters’ initiatives to open up their wallets and put their money where their mouths are. Every time I drive by the Dome lately, I think of Donald Trump. There’s the endless greed of professional sports that demand new and fancier stadiums, the stagnation of worth and will that lets something we say we all love fall into disuse, and the mindless anger that seems to be the new normal that keeps anything from ever being done.

That’s the Dome and the Donald all in a nutshell. They’re both faded potentials that are now eyesores we can’t fix or ignore. They should be very happy together, even if all Trump does is plant a golden throne in the middle and pretend that he’s been crowned king. At least someone would get some enjoyment out of it.

The Trump Dome, Houston. Think it over. Think about it really, really hard.

Dear Nick (Saint),

It’s been a while since my last letter on my own behalf, though I do write one regularly on behalf of my daughter through that creepy elf delivery system you and Hallmark started back in 2024. An addendum to this year’s letter, by the way. Please don’t bring her a FitBit. It’s hard enough keeping her glasses on her face.

At this point, as I’m sure you’ve read, America is kind of messed up. It’s messed up enough that I honestly think the only way out of this hullabaloo is through magic, hence my contacting you. I have some suggestions for America’s Christmas haul this year that I think might help improve things around here long-term.

Number one: books. If there’s anything I can attest to as a writer and journalist over the last seven years, it’s that we have become a country of headline readers without the stamina to get all the way through an 800-word article and decide whether it was worthwhile information. It’s all memes and pictograms down here, Nick, and it’s eroding thought like Coke takes buildup off a car battery post.

We need something to read to try and jumpstart the old contemplation reflex. I suggest you start small with some good young adult novels or something. What about The Hunger Games? That seems appropriate at the moment. Maybe you could go with those cute Brad Meltzer history books for kids. Those are nice.

On a similar note, do you think you could score the hook-up on bootleg Hamilton video recordings? Nothing seemed to sum up the “liberal elites are ignoring us” sentiment like the phenomenon that is Hamilton. If middle America could see this thing everyone is talking about on the cheap, and maybe also realize that you can like something that maybe doesn’t focus entirely on how awesome white people are, they’d calm down for five bloody seconds and catch up to the rest of us.

How about some of those stuffed toys that talk back to you? If the legion of think pieces I’ve read since the election are correct, the most important thing in the country right now is that we have to reach out and listen to people in rural areas because their feelings are apparently so overwhelmingly important that it clouds their ability to tell obvious right from obvious wrong. I don’t really have the time for that sort of thing, so maybe StarLily the Magical Unicorn could do the job for me.

Speaking of jobs, I’ve been given to understand that “economic anxiety” was the driving reason that things got this way, despite the fact that wages are rising and unemployment is down. If some of these people could find more rewarding work then that might do something about the anxiety. Luckily, iTunes University can teach them to code. It’s free. You don’t even have to put it in the sack. Just set it up to download on their phone while you’re having milk and cookies, and they can wake up to a whole new world of employment possibilities.

Some games might help. Interactive media is great at getting people to empathize. I recommend Firewatch since it’s basically the story of a man adrift who has to come to terms with the places his life has gone to. If nothing else, it’s a really pretty walk in the woods game that can be very soothing. Or maybe Gone Home? Learning to appreciate LGBT people by unraveling the mystery of Samantha Greenbriar could be very useful now that we’ve made a conversion therapy advocate the second most powerful person in the country.

These are little things for a troubled populace, but it’s the little things, Nick, that tend to make all the difference. It’s easy to take a mass of resentment into a voting booth with you, but sometimes the spark of joy and hope can light that darkness. That’s what Christmas is all about, isn’t it? The candle we hold as we make it halfway out of the dark?

As for the rest, those who will be most affected by the next four years in a variety of harmful ways: Bring them stout plush bears that can withstand the squeeze of someone who can’t sleep for worrying they’re going to lose their health insurance. Bring them bath bombs from Lush to ease the ache of working two jobs to pay for college. Bring them frames for the pictures of friends lost to suicide.

And bring them my apologies for failing them. We let so much get out of hand, and now, more than ever, we need a little Christmas.

Yours in Yuletide,
Jef