The Other Side of the Green Bar: Tips for not Shaming your Ancestors on St. Patrick’s Day

By Kathryn McGranahan

When we talk about St. Patrick’s Day, we share glorious tales of Irish car bombs, green beer on the cheap and plastic green hats bearing a Guinness logo. We don’t really talk about St. Patrick himself, because St. Patrick’s is a day of drinking in a sea of green. But mostly drinking. Lots of drinking.

And that, people, is why bartenders and servers call St. Patrick’s Day a day of amateurs. Amateurs who order time-consuming and complicated shots in the middle of a packed bar, shots that will inevitably end up on that bar’s same porch or bathroom floor, or in a dark corner when the amatuer throws them up. This is why amateurs should tip even more than the requisite tip of 20 percent–but they don’t tip at all. And Bono weeps.

“I’ve worked in the industry for 13 years,” says Reba, a general manager for an outdoor bar. “I love it 364 days a year. But St. Patrick’s is the only day I think, ‘Why am I doing this? I should get an office job.’”

So here’s some pointers for how to play this St. Paddy’s Day like Liam Neeson and not an amateur, generated by some of Houston’s very own bartenders and servers.

1. Don’t order some crazy shot just because you like the name and/or want to impress someone and/or panicked.

St. Patrick’s Day is the busiest day and night for the bar industry. Your drinks will take less time if you order something easily made. This is true of all nights, but for some reason, bartenders say, everyone gets more creative on St. Patrick’s Day. Also, bartenders and servers do not have as much time to craft a beautiful cocktail or elaborate shot. God help you if you ask for something requiring muddling.

2. Tip a little extra, no matter what.

Again, St. Patrick’s Day is the busiest day and night of the year for most bars. And it’s all day and night. So shifts are longer and breaks are few and far between. Your bartenders are working behind a narrow space with the heat of a million customers beaming down on them. Your servers are being crushed by the crowds, while drunk people try to grab beers from them without paying. Each of these million customers are waving and shouting for service at the bar and at tables. Then they enjoy their friends and their beer and carouse. Meanwhile, the aforementioned bartender thinks longingly of the cigarette she had as she drove to work 10 hours ago, while she chugs another Red Bull on her five-second break.

“Even with as many people as you have help, it’s still going to be busy. Everyone is going hours without taking a break,” said Reba, who has never had a St. Patrick’s Day off. “Last year, I got out at 6:00 in the morning.”

3. Party bus privileges do not extend past the bus.

“People come off party buses and expect the same immediate service,” says Katie Mulholland, local artist and dive bar employee. “They get drunk on a bus, then get off and don’t understand where the alcohol went.”

“You get a huge wave immediately,” Lucy adds. “So you’re automatically swamped.”

4. For speed and convenience, tell your server or bartender how you’ll want your tab (separated, paying cash, etc.) from the beginning, instead of waiting until the end and wondering why it’s taking them so long.

Lucy has one of the worst St. Patrick’s Day stories. Last year, she was working a strangely slow St. Patrick’s night in New York City. “We had a larger group come in that was mostly families. Since we were slow, we gave them great service and got them drunk. Then they decided to split tabs. One young woman had a tab of about $100, and decided to pay cash after I’d run her card. So I went back, deleted the payment–nothing big. Then two weeks later, my manager says her mother (who was there that night) has been calling us and threatening to sue. Turns out the young woman kept going out that night and using her card instead of cash, so she racked up overdraft fees north of $100. Her mom called every day until I paid her daughter’s overdraft fees, even though she used her card at other bars all night. I ended up paying to work St. Patrick’s.”

5. Don’t rob from the bar to feed the drink-poor.

This is a common one: people grabbing drinks in server wells, people grabbing drinks off server trays as they walk by, people reaching over the bar to snatch a beer or people coming around behind the bar and taking what they want. Our Irish ancestors would not be impressed–after all, didn’t they lose their lands to the British? Basically the same thing.

6. For the love of the Blessed Mother, don’t puke everywhere.

“It really is an amateur holiday,” says Reba. “I’ve always had to kick people out for crawling under the tables to throw up. People drink more than they normally would, and they can’t handle it.”

Last tip: The Internal Revenue Service no longer allows 20 percent gratuity on walked tabs. So don’t walk your tab.

by Guest Author