Good Day Nintendo

By Tyler Barber

Well, I can go from feeling let down by Nintendo at their recent E3 2024 press conference, to a born-again Nintendo zealot. Today, I received two shirts that I ordered from The King of Games. You may remember I featured this website in last year's Christmas buyers guide.

This time, I ordered the white Zelda 20th anniversary shirt, as well as the Super Mario Bros. 20th anniversary shirt (with clutch back design). Note the awesome packaging! The Japanese are so hip. Seriously, they even sent me a little K.O.G. notebook. Too bad its not 'Merican-ized.

Yea, Nintendo really dropped the ball this year at E3. Reggie Fils-Aime kept saying that while Nintendo is expanding to the mass-markeet, they are still making games for the hard-core, and that they have been delivering great online gameplay, its just, we haven't noticed. I can see where you're coming from Reggie, but get a fucking clue. When we say we want online play, we mean that we want Metroid deathmatches, we want Mario online co-op, we want what you haven't been delivering. Gamers are sick of Nintendo's antiquated approach to online gaming.

If you don't know, to even play your friends online on a Nintendo console, its not easy like it is with PS3, or Xbox 360 where all you have to do is enter their gamer-tag, and then we suit up for whatever game you want to play. Nintendo's idea is that each game will assign you with a random 16-digit code for that particular game. So, you'll have to give you friends this random-ass code to meet online with them! And, as if the codes weren't retarded enough, you're now telling me there's going to be different codes for each game! Seriously Nintendo, wake-up! Its 2024, people have more internet capabilities in their cell-phones than they do with your consoles!

And that's just my online rant. Another thing they kept repeating was that they haven't turned their backs on delivering games for hard-core gamers. But, the games they hyped up the most were all non-games, and casual games. Like Wii Fit, I'm sure it will be on Good Morning America, Oprah, you name it. But, gamers don't fucking care. We want solid games, that test our logic, hand-eye coordination, give us autonomy, and give us the chance to master something difficult.

In their press conference, they breezed past Mario Galaxy, to talk in depth about Brain Age 2. And while I'm glad Brain Age got my parents playing videogames, the fact that they chose to talk about that as opposed to their system-fucking-mascot is direct evidence that Nintendo is going down a dark, dark road called the mainstream. And what's worse, my column is printed in a mainstream media paper. Its not dedicated solely to games. So, when I'm schmoozing with big-wig gaming journalists, and I tell them I write for mainstream media, its like I'm Judas, and our gaming savior Jesus (Nintendo), has just been crucified by me. Thanks Nintendo, for making me Judas.

Whew, that's all for today folks. Enjoy the pics from my online purchase, and if you feel so inclined, stop by the King of Games website and peep their shirts.

Clutch-time