I don’t know how you feel about Alec Baldwin but he hosts one of the best podcast series ever.

Baldwin is best known as an actor and you can fill in the blank as to your favorite role that he’s played. For his podcast series Here’s The Thing, Baldwin plays devil’s advocate when he’s not plying us with his oil slick voice and his sharp and forthright humor.

The guests cover the gamut of movers and shakers of the current scene and other tourists of industry. You want a recommendation that will both entertain and heighten your awareness of life then check out Here’s The Thing. Honestly it’s the best podcast on the planet, at least until FPH reboots their weekly podcast. The latest podcast features a very illuminating interview with Dr. Robert Lustig, a pediatric endocrinologist at UC San Francisco, who talks about our country’s addiction to sugar.

http://www.wnyc.org/shows/heresthething/

– Michael Bergeron

Heading home last night, I had to pull over and see why the Chick-Fil-A parking lot was full of tents. Was this the new location for Occupy Houston? Were people protesting Chick-Fil-A’s support of right-wing social issues like the fight against gay marriage?

No, as it turns out–100 people were camped out in the Chick-Fil-A parking for 24 full hours in anticipation of the grand opening of their new location!

So I got out of the car to take some photos and talk to folks. It was about 1 am, so a lot of people could be heard giggling in tents, but one young man lay out in the open reading Catching Fire (Hunger Games book two). I asked him what this was all about. He said that if you camp out from 6 am on Wednesday morning to 6 am on Thursday morning, Chick-Fil-A gives you a coupon book for one free #1 “Value Meal” for a year. Let’s say that “value meal” costs $5–52 of those are worth $260, so the dude is making just under $11/hr camping out for 24 hours. That’s better than minimum wage, I suppose.

I ask him if he’s ever camped out for anything else and he says he’s camped out for some Black Friday sales here and there. I ask him what he thinks of the Occupy Movement and he says something like, “It was just a bunch of people sitting around doing nothing.” I don’t ask him how his 24 hours sitting in a parking lot are any different, but I do ask how he feels about corporate executives who get paid hundreds of millions of dollars every year to “sit around doing nothing” except maybe play golf occasionally as they drive the economy into the ground and then get bonuses on top of that, or how he feels about stuff like books being bannedin this country, this year, and our rights being taken away with laws like the Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act (CISPA) and how the US government can now kill US citizens without even a farce of a trial…

He just kind of shrugs so I let him get back to his reading and go speak to another group clustered around a cooler they are playing Uno on. Among them was a mother and daughter pair who had driven up from the Rio Grande Valley for this! After factoring in their driving time and money spent on gas, their “hourly wage” is going to come out even lower than minimum wage. Wouldn’t they just be better off staying home and paying for a weekly happy meal with their own money?

Another man had come down from Spring, another said he’d come from just a few blocks away. Apparently, there is a whole culture of Chick-Fil-A grand opening campouts–these people are on some kind of circuit. None of them have slept since arriving at 6 am on Wednesday morning but they all seem pretty chipper–probably because they’re not allowed to drink beer.

Maybe I am judging too harshly. The New York Times recently ran an article about the record number of hungry poor working people as a result of the recession coupled with Bill Clinton’s 1996 Welfare Deform. Maybe these people really are that desperate for something to eat. (My friend who was with me didn’t think so.)

But no, this is clearly just another example of “bread and circuses” to appease the docile masses. Let them eat waffle fries!

SMH

You know how they always say do the math? Well I did the math and 30,000 Japanese yen convert to about 371 dollars. That’s the least expensive meal of raw fish you can buy at Jiro Ono’s sushi restaurant, a ten-seat establishment located in the Tokyo subway. Jiro, a wry 85-year old chef, has a way with tuna in the documentary Jiro Dreams of Sushi.

Jiro Dreams of Sushi is a great fit for the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston this weekend and next, just witness all the films that play to big crowds of food aficionados there (like El Bulli or revivals like Big Night). Jiro Dreams of Sushi provides food for thought in addition to practical information about the art of preparing food. But Dreams unwinds like a double-edged paring knife of a movie that cuts, at times, in opposite directions.

We’re introduced to Jiro as he explains his success. There’s more than a bit of zen on display in the creation of meals. We meet a man at a Tokyo fish mart who can tell how tuna will taste by touching the meat. We’re introduced to two Ono siblings who in their own way vie for the family business. Jiro laments the rise of popularity of sushi worldwide since it cuts into his ability to constantly get the best cut of fish. We see a fishmonger carry a live octopus the size of his hand, the cephalopod wrapping its tentacles around his hand as he shoves it into a plastic bag.

For all its culinary sense of curiosity Jiro Dreams of Sushi sidesteps issues dealing with the Japanese culture and their fascination with harvesting marine animals. After The Cove, which Jiro is no relation to, one has to wonder how interesting a movie that explores a nation’s appetite can be when it avoids the greater question at hand. How has this trend of food preparation affected the ecology of the sea? In some ways it’s a bit like making a film about the American cattle industry without showing the reality of stockyards. It would also be interesting to gain more insight into some of Jiro’s customers who must indeed by high rollers with exotic tastes that extend beyond fish, eggs and rice.

If Jiro Dreams of Sushi bites off more than it can chew that won’t be noticed by foodies who are in for a treat, as they will surely come away convinced Jiro is a wise sage of the kitchen of life.

– Michael Bergeron

Makenzie Maupin, Mike Eros, Nick Cooper, Food Not Bombs members, and other citizens opposed to the criminalization of charity

Orlando police arresting charity worker for serving food

The City of Houston is currently attempting to vote in an amendment to chapter 20 of the code of ordinances that would criminalize people who share food. The amendment requires that anyone who wants to share food in a public space will need to prepare food in an approved kitchen, have one member of their group undergo a food safety course, store their food in an approved location and never in the home, and must serve food in an area with hand washing facilities. The location for sharing food must be approved by the city and the license to share food may be revoked at anytime. Anyone who does not comply can be charged fines of $2000 and will be cross-examined. A full text of the proposed amendment may be found at this address: http://bit.ly/xysSDH

This amendment is a product of government over-regulation and imposes on freedom of citizens. The amendment would require government permission to share food, criminalize citizens who do not have such permission, or had such permission taken away, and create a new complicated set of hearings and appeals for those who lose such permission including “cross-examination,” fines, and criminal charges; these are onerous to the average citizen and counter to a healthy community. It makes sharing of home-cooked food among some Houston residents illegal, which is needlessly invasive and depends on arbitrary government opinions regarding the context of friendships and social gatherings – which are protected under the 1st Amendment. It generally impinges on 1st amendment-protected rights to free assembly, with new requirements for groups to obtain written permission to share space on public property.

Further, the amendment reinforces arbitrary marginalization of the homeless population. The amendment covers “charitable feeding”. The amendment imposes an entirely different set of standards on those sharing food with the homeless than those sharing food at picnics or tailgate parties, thereby violating the “equal protection under the law” clause of the 14th Amendment. Food Not Bombs is an organization that shares home-cooked vegan and vegetarian food four nights a week. The food brought to be shared is the same food that would have been eaten in the home. It is less about doing a good deed and more about helping friends who have less.  Homelessness is not a crime. The homeless population is continually marginalized. The city holds an “out of sight, out of mind” policy. The amendment would allow charitable feeding to occur in only a few set locations. At the city council meeting on March 7, 20241, the overwhelming message of those supporting the amendment was that they wanted the homeless population gone. The repeated message was that facilities already exist for the homeless, so send them there. Who is to say that a person from a homeless population is any less a friend than any other person? I have volunteered with Food Not Bombs since my freshman year in college. The people I share food with have shared my struggles and my successes as I have shared theirs.

The rising number of homeless is a problem for the city of Houston and the government supported aid organizations are not enough to address the issue. The city of Houston needs small, independent volunteer organizations to help reach out to the needy. Ordinary citizens should not have to crawl to the government before they can help their friends and neighbors.

The fight isn’t over yet. There will be a city council meeting on Tuesday, March 20^th at 2 pm. If you want to help oppose the amendment, please call your city council members and tell them you oppose the amendment to chapter 20 of the code of ordinances in its entirety. Then, call the city secretary at  (832) 393-1100 and sign up to speak at the city council meeting. Come share food at the potentially last legal Food Not Bombs meeting on Monday, March 19^th at 8 pm at the Downtown Library. Visit the Facebook page for more information about the issues at hand: https://is.gd/houstonsharing. You can also sign a petition at http://tinyurl.com/freetosharepetition.

Council Members Contact Information:

Helena Brown, 832.393.3010, districta@houstontx.gov
Jerry Davis, 832.393.3009, districtb@houstontx.gov
Ellen Cohen, 832.393.3004, districtc@houstontx.gov
Wanda Adams, 832.393.3001, districtd@houstontx.gov
Mike Sullivan, 832.393.3008, districte@houstontx.gov
Al Hoang, 832.393.3002, districtf@houstontx.gov
Oliver Pennington, 832.393.3007, districtg@houstontx.gov
Ed Gonzalez, 832.393.3003, districth@houstontx.gov
James G. Rodriguez, 832.393.3011, districti@houstontx.govMike Laster
Mike Laster, 832.393.3015, districtj@houstontx.gov
Larry Green, 832.393.3016, districtk@houstontx.gov
Stephen C. Costello, 832.393.3014, atlarge1@houstontx.gov
Andrew C. Burks, Jr., 832.393.3013, atlarge2@houstontx.gov
Melissa Noriega, 832.393.3005, atlarge3@houstontx.gov
C.O. “Brad” Bradford, 832.393.3012, atlarge4@houstontx.gov
Jack Christie, 832.393.3017, atlarge5@houstontx.gov

Editor’s note: Orlando has already criminalized charitable meal sharing resulting in the arrests of dozens of its citizens. Let’s set the tone now that Houston puts people’s vital needs before politics.

by @GunsandTacos
Social media networks are like cable providers. You sometimes hate the one you’re using, but it’s kind of necessary to have it around if you want to stay connected. Some may think Yelp is just a restaurant rating site, but it’s actually a “community” of sorts, with forums, clubs, and meet-ups.  For the most part, Yelpers are real people, which is kind of Yelp’s downfall.
“Real People. Real Reviews”
Yelp is really easy to use. You don’t have to start a blog or pay for hosting, and there are no requirements of writing ability.  The unintentional hilarity of some reviews has been documented on a popular Tumblr site, “F*** You, Yelper”. And if you’d like, you can even post reviews anonymously, and say what you’d like with no repercussions.
However, as with anything online- when anonymity is involved, there is always one constant- the troll.
There’s something odd about human nature that wasn’t fully realized until online comments and Yelp reviews became a thing. If you’re one of those with an unshaken faith in humanity, don’t ever look at the online comments in a local news article.  Remember looking down at your school desk as a kid and seeing the word “FUCK”, or a swastika scratched into it? It’s the same guy, he’s just grown up and discovered the internet.
(insert profound quote about violence in human nature)
Negativity is something we fight every day.  Being nice isn’t easy to do, because we have to employ complex concepts such as tact and optimism to pull it off. Being negative about things is our easy, lazy default. That’s what Yelp depends on in order to operate. When you have a good experience at a restaurant, it’s not in your nature to write a nice review on Yelp. If you have a bad experience, writing a Yelp review seems like a great idea.
If we lived in a world where everyone was as nice as Mister Rogers or Bob Ross, Yelp wouldn’t be able to turn a profit, because everyone would write glowing reviews. Why would a restaurateur pay Yelp for advertising if shiny, happy reviews will be there anyway?
Revolting, slanderous reviews of local businesses are the lifeblood of the Yelp platform.  The sales model would be defunct without them.  It’s really a clever model, because trolls don’t cost anything, and they’re a sustainable resource.
You know the formula. No matter how great a restaurant is, someone’s going to hate it. Maybe it’s a competitor, disgruntled employee, ex-husband or wife.  To be a troll, you don’t even have to visit the restaurant.  For example, you could start a Yelp account under the name Casey Anthony and review a Subway, just because you hate Subway with a bloody vengeance.
Casey A:
I dropped in to get a sandwich for me and my man. He’s allergic to tomato’s, so I like to go to Subway where I can see if they get tomato’s anywhere near his sandwich. Reginald gets mad if he even sees a tomato from afar.

Ordered a meatball and a cold cut combo. No tomato. Simple, right? Not at Subway, she’s gotta make it all complicated.

Bitch asks me what kind of bread I want. Like I want some whole wheat gluten free brown granola shit with seeds on it all up on my meatballs. Ignorant.

2 stars, just because at least Michelle Rodriguez didn’t put any tomato on Reginald’s cold cut combo.

Easy. And where does this review go? Well, right to the top of the results. And if Subway doesn’t play ball, the review is going to stay right there. It’s one hell of a racket.
A slew of businesses attempted to file a class-action lawsuit, which was thrown out by a San Francisco judge last year. The Yelp Class Action Website  issued this statement:
“Yelp runs an extortion scheme in which the company’s employees call businesses demanding monthly payments, in the guise of “advertising contracts,” in exchange for removing or modifying negative reviews appearing on the website. The plaintiff, a veterinary hospital in Long Beach, California, asked that Yelp remove a false and defamatory review from the website. In response, as set forth in the lawsuit, Yelp refused to take down the review. Instead, the company’s sales representatives repeatedly contacted the hospital and demanded a roughly $300 per-month payment in exchange for hiding or removing the negative review.”
Yelp CEO Jeremy Stoppleman fired back.
“The allegations are disappointing, not only because they are false, but because they ignore empirical evidence in favor of conspiracy theories. You can see for yourself: thousands of businesses that advertise on Yelp have both negative and positive reviews. Despite these counter-examples to the contrary (virtually no advertiser on Yelp has a perfect reputation), extensive media explorations that end inconclusively, and the absence of any actual evidence to support this theory, this unfortunate and untrue meme has taken on a life of its own. “

In other words, Yelp is doing nothing wrong, because small business owners across the US haven’t found a creative way to collect conclusive evidence.
Looking back at the scores of restaurants and bars across the nation that have tried and failed to sue the Yelp monolith, it’s becoming increasingly apparent that it can’t be done. Although some plaintiffs claim to have screenshots that suggest the alleged “pay to have reviews removed” behavior, a recording of a phone conversation with a Yelp agent exhibiting this behavior has yet to be recorded or entered into evidence.  In Texas, if such a lawsuit were brought under the Deceptive Trade Practices Act and was successful, Yelp would be facing treble damages.
So how do you counter it? Aside from tapping their own phone line, a business owner’s only option is to flag bad reviews and submit a little form to Yelp explaining why it should be taken down, and hope for the best, while giving their sales vultures your direct email address in the process.
In Houston, a few vocal business owners are choosing to speak out in an attempt to impact on how Yelp reviews are perceived by the public.
Why? Because the Yelp elite can be hardcore.  Two years ago, a customer at Anvil Bar & Refuge threatened to write a poor Yelp review if he didn’t get free drinks there, explaining that he was a prominent Yelp reviewer.  The co-owner/manager (Bobby Heugel ) refused, and sure enough, the microblogger wrote a seething review about the place.  When Heugel wrote about this experience online, he was contacted by a Yelp representative, who in follow-up conversation, suggested that Heugel participate in Yelp “advertising” campaigns, explaining that participants in these campaigns benefited from a direct relationship with Yelp in which damaging content would be more easily removed. Heugel took the battle to Twitter in order to raise public awareness about Yelp’s questionable practices, and since then, he has added an anti-Yelp sticker to the front door to make his message clear.
It makes you wonder: How many free drinks is this Yelper able to procure at other bars with this strategy? And how many bars and restaurants quietly pay Yelp to adjust these reviews? Of course, Yelp’s scavengers will make the point that they have no control over its users and can’t be held accountable for rogue Yelpers, but examples such as the above prove that the Yelp platform is dependent on malicious activity, which explains why nefarious reviews are not reviled or expunged- they are tacitly encouraged. The Yelp platform is a nutrient-rich environment for optimum troll growth and reproduction. It is a portal to chaos, a toxic cesspool of evil.
(insert profound quote about chaos theory)
Jenny Wang, founder of Houston Chowhounds and co-host /producer of Southbound Food radio, takes a “kill them with kindness” approach to counter Yelp’s tactics.  She’s offered to write a five-star Yelp review for any restaurant that wants it. She even wrote a five-star for Uchi, a highly lauded Houston sushi restaurant- a week before it opened.
Ricky Craig, owner and chef at two Hubcap Grill locations, has had several struggles with the platform. Both of his locations are incredibly popular, and for good reason- Craig takes his burgers very seriously. At times, there can be a 30 minute wait due to the demand for Hubcap’s fresh ground burgers.
“Some Yelp reviewers can get downright personal”, Ricky explains. “They can talk about the appearance of me or my employees, resort to name calling, or try to bully you around. And there’s not much you can do about it.”
On more than one occasion, he has called out Yelp reviewers personally on Twitter or other networks, inviting them to meet him in person.  “When they meet you in person, it’s a whole different ballgame. It’s easy to push people around from behind a computer screen.”
The issues don’t end with the reviewers themselves- Yelp’s sales methodology is called into question as well.
“I don’t understand why I can get a five star review, and Yelp just takes it down the next day. Next time you look, it has been replaced with a one star review from months ago. If you get a low-scoring or malicious review, it doesn’t go away. And these are strangers, people I’ve never met before.”
Craig has taken an extra step by championing a large Houston Anti-Yelp party at his 19th Street location (March 4, the event begins at noon).  A multitude of Houston chefs, bars and local business owners have openly spoken out on Twitter and Facebook to support this effort. It could adversely affect their Yelp cred, but hey, that’s the idea.
It Spreads
With more than 50 million unique visitors every month, Yelp is spreading rapidly. As new listings and reviews are created by their users, Yelp’s juggernaut SEO capabilities are bolstered, granting their listings first blood in Google’s search results- usually above the restaurant’s own website. This way, the average user will see Yelp’s listing first, directly impacting the business owner who has likely expended resources to create an attractive, functional website that describes their business accurately.
In February 2024, East Bay Express reported that Yelp hadn’t broken even financially. Even so, in December 09, Jeremy Stoppleman turned down an offer from Google for more than a half billion dollars.
Two months ago, Yelp filed for a $100 million IPO, with reports that they will seek a valuation of between $1 billion and $2 billion. If Yelp is powerful now, just wait until they go public.
Eradication
In the late 1950s, the screw worm fly (Cochliomyia hominivora) , infested and killed up to 15 percent of livestock in some areas of North, Central and South America. The fly lays its eggs in minor cuts and abrasions of the livestock, including the navels of newborn cattle. The larvae hatch and burrow into the flesh, resembling a screw (hence the name). It’s really disgusting.
The US was able to eradicate this vile parasite using the Sterile Insect Technique, developed by Raymond Bushland and Edward Knipling. Millions of male screw worm flies were reared in a large laboratory, sterilized with radiation, and then released into the wild. After mating with the sterilized males, the female flies were unable to mate again or lay eggs. Due to these advanced techniques of autocidal control, by the 1980’s, the screw worm fly was successfully eradicated.
Exactly like the screw worm fly, this Yelp monstrosity can be stopped with education and community efforts (or radioactive sterilization).  Don’t let these troll-breeders proliferate and infect our society with evil, parasitic flesh-eating maggots.
Spread the word.

by Mills McCoin

When Texans combine two of our favorite things- fierce competition and chili- a certain spicy nirvana erupts and takes hold of the appetites of everyone in attendance. So if you think your chili recipe is the best around then come put it to the test this Saturday, January 28th, at Onion Creek Coffeehouse Bar Lounge (3106 White Oak) for the H-Town Chili Throwdown.  There’s a vote for the People’s Choice Award and the Grand Prize winner takes home $500.  Do you know how much ground beef you can buy for $500?  A great many pounds.   You don’t have to cook by yourself but you do need to register you or your team at Onion Creek.  The entry fee is $35 per Throwdown team.  For the Grand Prize, each team’s chili will be judged by a panel of six unsavory judges: Sheriff Adrian Garcia, Councilman Ed Gonzalez, Avi Katz of Katz Coffee, John DeMers of Delicious Mischief, Chef Jamie Zelko and Waverly Nolley. Tickets to the H-Town Chili Throwdown are $25 and include a Throwdown t-shirt, a pint of beer, a People’s Choice vote and, of course, a big bowl for chili tastin’.  So come on down to Onion Creek this Saturday to enjoy some cold Karbach Brewing and St. Arnold’s Beers.  There will be live music by DJ Cisco, Texas Gold and Sprint ‘Em Races. Think of this event as… Pre-Rodeo Training Camp.  I love Texas… and chili.

By Alex Wukman

Earlier this month we here at Free Press Houston called attention to the recent trend of Houston restaurants being sued for failing to pay their employees. We tried to be understanding about it–hell, we even tried to be funny about it–and we hoped that a little public shaming would be the end of it. This isn’t rocket science after all: if a person works for you you pay them. End of story. Now we know that payment isn’t always an option in some businesses, that’s why tech start-ups use things like stock shares to attract employees. The problem is restaurants aren’t tech companies, there aren’t any stock shares to cash in after the big IPO and get back the deferred wages plus interest. We also know that in restaurants expectations are high and profit margins are incredibly thin and any attempt to increase the margins–like say cutting corners on the quality of ingredients–can lead to staff defections, loss of customers and closure.

We also know that, unlike retail stores, restaurants can’t reduce the amount of man hours to reign in costs. After all, you have to have x number of servers and cooks to keep up with dinner service. So how does a cash strapped small business owner make it through the lean times? It seems that more and more are turning to the idea of not paying employees, or alternately playing games with the money they pay employees. And it’s not just newcomers and celebrities that are making this consistently bad decision either. National food blog Eater has a post up about Houston dining landmark Tony’s being hit with a class action lawsuit claiming that for the last two years Tony’s management illegally required waiters to participate in a tip pool and then tried to claim a “tip credit”, the legal loophole that allows restaurants to pay waiters $2.13 an hour and claim that tips make up the difference.

The thing about a tip credit is that it’s tricky as Lisa Guerin at the legal blog Nolo.com explains: “Under federal law and in most states, employers may pay tipped employees less than the minimum wage, as long as employees receive enough in tips to make up the difference. This is called a “tip credit.” The credit itself is the amount the employer doesn’t have to pay, so the applicable minimum wage (federal or state) less the tip credit is the least the employer can pay you per hour. If you don’t earn enough in tips during a given shift to bring your total compensation up to at least the applicable minimum wage, your employer has to pay the difference.” Emphasis added.

Sadly, since many Houston restaurants don’t make up the difference in employee wages we expect 2024 to be a year filled with lawsuits. That is unless one of two things happen: the State of Texas passes some form of “tort reform” that will make it harder for waiters to sue their employers or  someone pressures Congress into finally getting around to closing that pesky loop hole that, you know, requires restaurants to pay waiters more than sweatshop wages–don’t laugh either is completely possible.

By Alex Wukman

Once that big new H-E-B opened we all knew it was just a matter of time before market forces came in and Montrose Fiesta went out. We tried to prevent it from happening, but it was all for naught.  And when we heard that current owner Suzanne Levin was seeking variances seemingly designed solely to make the property more attractive to potential buyers, well we put two and two together and came up depressed. But it wasn’t real. It was an abstraction, like nuclear war, something that might happen but probably wouldn’t. Who would want to buy that property? Who would want to own a grocery store across the street from another grocery store? It didn’t make sense.

But then word came out that the deal was done. The Chronicle took time off from writing about gun crimes and Rick Perry’s quixotic quest to get beaten in a third state to file a report that Lancaster Square, the strip center housing Fiesta, has been purchased by Houston developer Marvy Finger. It didn’t take long for the story to get picked up by the rest of Houston’s media, and with each subsequent report fewer and fewer details emerged. No one knows how much the property was sold for or even when development will start.

The lack of information has led to endless speculation which has led to rumors that because Fiesta knew the property was about to be sold they didn’t even try to renew their lease, a rumor that is demonstrably false because Fiesta’s lease doesn’t run out until 2024. All that’s known about the deal is that Finger wants to take the nearly four acre site back to dirt and then put in a six to eight story Mediterranean inspired mid-rise that will house up to 390 units. Another rumor that has been circulating for the last few weeks is that the proposed development will be multi-use, with first floor commercial space, as of now that remains unconfirmed.

Levin and Finger both told the Chron that they are going to keep mum on the details until the February closing; the reluctance to talk about the nature of the deal means that community members are hard pressed to find out exactly how much was paid for the property and who put together the financing. All Finger has said is that he wants to make “something really beautiful” on the site and until plans and renderings of the proposed building become available Montrose will just have to wait to see if we’re getting a signature building or just another eyesore.

Or is that just a bygone notion, a remnant from an earlier era when being “hip” entailed something more substantive than skinny jeans, ironic mustaches, or a a willingness to swill down crappy blue collar beer?

by M. Martin

I am, be it freely admitted, older than dirt.
When I first started hanging out in Montrose, Sid Vicious was still alive, Ronald Reagan was merely an embarrassment to the state of California…and Montrose had neighborhood grocery stores.  Oh, there were encroachments by large corporate chains–but there was also Butera’s on Bissonnet, The old Alabama Grocery at Jack Street, Richwood Market (AKA “Freaky Foods”) on Richmond, and numerous small examples of what used to be called “Drive-ins”, like Lankford Grocery (still there, but now just a mom and pop burger stand).

One of the biggest “chain stores” in the neighborhood was the Weingarten’s at the corner of W. Alabama and Dunlavy, across from Wilshire Village… my, how things have changed.

The Weingarten family has moved on to the far more lucrative and soulless business of developing real estate, their former operation on West Alabama is now a Fiesta Mart, and the eight acres former occupied by Wilshire Village is now home to “HEB Montrose Market”–a faux Whole Foods the size of a Walmart.

It can be endlessly argued whether this is a good thing or bad thing, but it is certainly a different thing…and probably the end of Montrose as those of us who have called it home for more than a couple of years have known and loved it.

That fucking store is huge, pointless, and directly contrary to anything I have ever thought of as “Montrose Community Values”–hell, the damned thing opened without a beer and wine department.  Granted, this is because they are still negotiating an onsite consumption permit from the TABC, but still–a grocery store?  In Montrose?  That doesn’t sell booze???  Where do you bitches think you are?  KINGWOOD?!!

I further question the extent to which anyone particularly needs a store with a frozen food section the size of a squash court.  Are a hundred different versions of the same bland and uninspiring frozen dinner essential to anyone’s well being?  Isn’t the whole point of living in a community like Montrose that you don’t necessarily buy into the suburban mythos of McMansions, Hummers, and consumer wretched excess?

Or is that just a bygone notion, a remnant from an earlier era when being “hip” entailed something more substantive than skinny jeans, ironic mustaches, or a a willingness to swill down crappy blue collar beer?

I have nothing but admiration for those who attempted to head this tacky behemoth off in favor of a public park, but I knew their efforts were foredoomed.  If this really was “The City of Montrose”, it’s entirely possible that Wilshire Village apartments might’ve given way to public green space and a farmer’s market.  It’s even possible that Wilshire Village might’ve even been saved from decades of neglect at the hands of a property owner with obvious symptoms of Hoarder’s Syndrome.  But alas, Montrose is firmly placed within the municipal limits and business culture of Houston, Texas–which is to say, no culture at all worth mentioning.

Which is to say that “HEB Montrose Market” was probably inevitable and probably the most favorable outcome that could be expected–let’s not forget that the slimeball that demolished Wilshire Village originally planned a couple of high rise towers even more obnoxious than the “Ashby Highrise” that still threatens to appear a few blocks further down Dunlavy at Bissonnet.
Whether or not the ongoing suburbification/gentrification of Montrose is likewise inevitable remains to be seen–and has everything to do with the choices we make as a community.

I doubt that HEB’s corporate management actively conspires to put their across-the-street competitors at Fiesta Mart out of business.  But I am certain that they intend to take as much market share as they possibly can from the half dozen or so direct competitors within a two mile radius of their new store–and if the hardest hit competitor happens to be one directly across the street, well, that’s just how the free market works (what are you–some sort of socialist?).

I rather suspect HEB’s management did consider the possibility of putting the River Oaks Rice Epicurean Market out of business when they opened Central Market (again, across the street).  But a decade and some change later, Rice Epicurean is still there.  It’s there because its loyal customers kept it there.

Even if you don’t particularly like the Dunlavy Fiesta (I know some don’t, for reasons that escape me), do you really like the idea of what is likely to take its place?  Just because one developer scumbag didn’t get to put up a hideous high-rise tower on the ruins of Wilshire Village doesn’t mean some other scumbag isn’t going to get to build one on what use to be Fiesta.

So, yeah.  If you love Montrose– truly love Montrose as an alternative to the tacky, plastic, tastelessness and bourgeois complacency that makes up 90% of Houston– then you will spend every penny you possibly can at that beautiful old Fiesta Mart.  You will not complain about the tiny aisles, and you will not be swayed by the corporate behemoth across the street selling your shitty hipster beer and your extra-firm tofu at loss leader pricing.  What you will do is show some loyalty to a merchant that was doing business in your community decades before HEB would’ve even considered it.  Because otherwise, this isn’t really a community…and condo-owning douchebags deserve to take what’s left of it.

by Guns and Tacos