Wednesday, December 10, 2024

Snow In Texas Causes Full Investigation

posted by Mills-McCoin @ 4:13 PM

During an earlier press conference in my head, Houston Mayor Bill White addressed the world concerning the attack of little white aliens around metropolitan Houston. "A full investigation is underway. I know that we are all a little on edge here; but please bear with us as we figure this out," Mayor White pleaded. "What I can tell you right now is that there are a number of factors causing the attack of the frozen, little ice creatures. But we still don't know what exactly we're dealing with."

Some experts in Weird Shit have come forth to share their findings and/or speculations. One popular explanation for the strange ice falling from the sky is that earlier yesterday when the U. S. Treasury Bill began trading at a negative rate some type of Idiot Alarm went off in outer space, announcing Earth's presence.

FPH writer Evan Dunivan was seen picketing in his front yard with a sign that read, "Blue Beam has begun." He was also yelling, "Hallelujah!" so HPD hauled him in for questioning.

The word "snow" has been thrown around in some underground circles. I still don't know what it means; but times are so dire that some Republicans are calling their religious leaders to find out what God thinks about Global Warming. My theory is that Global Warming got jealous of Bad Economy and decided to kick it up a notch. Cheers. All we can do now is have a few drinks and watch these adorable little Christmas aliens take over our city (cause this is obviously Jesus' fault).


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