The Eagle is somewhat of a turkey. Number one rule of fight club – you don’t make a sword and sandals flick and not put in copious amount of violence.

I imagine that there are a solid dozen people who want to see The Eagle. That would include relatives of star Channing Tatum or Jamie Bell and a smattering of teen boys that this movie’s marketed to; as for chicks who dig Tatum he’s better in The Dilemma.

With a story set in 120 AD. The Eagle covers Roman occupation of the UK. Arriving at a stockade the new commander Marcus Aquila (Tatum) immediately establishes that he carries a chip of his shoulder the weight of Hadrian’s Wall. Seems Marcus’ old man (this is a serious daddy issue film) was in charge of a squadron that was wiped out a generation ago and in fact is the reason the occupying Romans don’t venture past the 49^th parallel of the previously mentioned wall. Besides being vanquished the warriors lost their totem, which was a big metal eagle.

Every film good or bad, and we’re definitely in bad territory in The Eagle, has a comfort zone where the viewer zeroes in on the mood of the film. For The Eagle that zone was way way near the end. Marcus proceeds into what we would now call Scotland and battles small bands of what the film calls Druids, mostly one-dimensional studs who cover their skin in mud and live in huts. Keep in mind that all the skirmishes are edited in a way that we never see blood.

When the titular eagle finally makes an appearance the film unconsciously (because it just couldn’t be on purpose) seems to be some Nazi propaganda film where nationalist youth (in body armor natch) establish their pride for their country by marching with a stupid metal eagle on a pole. There was a movie a few months back with a similar setting but much more realistic because of its massive violence called Centurian. Number two rule of fight club – you don’t make a sword and sandals flick and not put in copious amount of violence.

- Michael Bergeron