The Losers is so piss poor in its plotting and execution it might as well be a forgotten 60s television series. But it’s actually a movie playing for a very short time based on a comic book. The Losers has a high contrast look accentuated by mindless violence and witty asides by the five mercs who headline.

It’s like the director wanted the cool look of a Tony Scott film yet mired in the sensibilities of G.I. Joe. There are certain laws that apply to movies, as surely as there are laws of physics. To wit - the angle of the dangle gets its own special mention during the corrosive dialogue. There is a law that states that a movie’s intelligence level relates specifically to its rating. The Losers is a perfect example of PG-13 movie making.

Instead of showing us Zoe Saldana’s breats or Chris Evans’ sack we have the cut off line right at the bottom of the frame. While people are killed we never see death and while there are plenty of explosions, they are just that. Pyrotechnic diversions.

To add insult to injury, the best line in the trailer “Mama didn’t raise no foo’” isn’t even in the movie. The Losers is a quicke. There’s another law of movies that states that watching a film in a theater is better than watching it on DVD especially if it’s a dog like these losers. There’s no laughs, there’s barely a grin and yet The Losers takes up space that will be occupied by a clone example of the same kind of filmmaking two months down the road.