By Jacob Calle

Early this week Free Press Houston posted an article about a Houstonian by the name of Andrew Youngblood. A man who got into a dispute with MTV’s stuntman from Jackass, Bam Margera, because Bam continued to call his friend a sea otter after being told to stop. Bam tends to get away with his pranks and shenanagin’s on his little show, Viva La Bam. Well as of right now long live Andrew Youngblood. The media can not get enough of the man! Had it been any other celebrity I really don’t think this would have been smiled upon, but it’s Bam, the bratty 31 year old who destroys his family’s possessions for cheap laughs for his viewing audience of 13-14 year olds.

From the original article that I wrote a reader said that I made Bam seem less “douchey” than what other online articles wrote. In my opinion, I don’t feel the need to use adjectives and describe what Bam is. His actions speak loud and clear. Plain and simple, there is no justification for doing what he has done. This isn’t his first altercation either. Last June, a 59 year old woman slugged a baseball across the back of Bam’s head in front of The Note, a bar that he owns in his hometown of West Chester, PA. The woman was arrested for aggravated assault. Bam was in ICU and was left with staples for his cracked skull.

The sad part of this story is that our appraised hero, Andrew has passed away last night. He died from too many high fives! Jokes aside, Andrew’s overnight stardom is quite amusing. I had to dissect his mind about what he thinks of all this dramatic mess. At first he wanted to do this interview at a bar, but that it was 2pm I denied his invitation and sent him the questions via email. He said ” Fuck it, I’ll just get drunk and answer them myself.” Thanks Andrew, because I wouldn’t want anyone else to answer them, but you.

Jacob: So your hand greeted Bam’s face with a lot of love. For Houston, you are man of the hour. How does it feel to beat up a celebrity?

Andrew: It actually feels pretty good. It’s not so much that he was a celeb, but he was a grown man who treated a lady wrong. Even the lowest form of Texan knows that’s wrong.

J: It’s been cheaper for you at the bar right? I’m sure people wanna be a shot for the man who knocked out Bam Margera.

A: This is very true and I encourage this. (laughs) I don’t think I’ve ever gotten this many free shots. Thank you Bam. However, it will be nice to have a conversation at the bar that does not include the name Bam .

J: Initially it was on TMZ, then Perez Hilton, radio stations, and now it seems to be on every celebrity gossip site. How do you hold yourself being partially responsible for all this mess?

A: Honestly, when I talked to TMZ originally I never thought this would turn into what it became. I thought it would be funny and the proof for my friends that I had already told. However, it has blown my mind how crazy it has gotten! Not to mention how the story got twisted up. Radio stations have called me, people have asked to be my manager! This shit has gotten way out of hand!

J: The media wants anyone who holds any kind of odd significance. You’ve got Octomom, the lady with too many kids. The Situation, the dude with a washboard stomach and semen gelled hairdo. Then there’s the new dude who beat up Bam. What would your nickname be?

A: I’m Youngblood dude.

J: Alright! Youngblood remains! So were you ever a fan of Bam Magera’s pranks from Jackass and CKY?

A: I was a huge fan of Bam and CKY growing up, like most boys my age. We had our own home videos doing dumb shit. Skateboarding, being drunk, and drop kicking each other, I looked up to those guys from the age of 13-17 . Who knew I’d end up kicking his ass one day.

J: Had the schedule not been changed you would have performed with us to do a stunt show with Steve O, Bam’s cast mate from Jackass here in Houston, which was just a few days after this dramatic incident. I’m sure Steve O and the boys already know the story, but how would have you broken it to Steve O that you kicked his friend’s ass?

A: HAHA! I did not even think about this! This is a good question. Maybe I would have stapled my balls to something with a note attached. I feel like they would appreciate that .

J: Pullin’ out the ole staplin’ your balls to your leg trick I see! Haha! So Bam told TMZ that he lost his $500 bracelet. I’ve heard a friend say that he knows where that bracelet is. Will we be seeing this bracelet on some hipster’s wrist at a bar anytime soon?

A: We never touched his bracelet. To my knowledge he gave that to his friend as a gift for taking care of him that witnessed everything. This was something that really bugged me about the published storys. It’s obvious that TMZ and the rest of the media have taken his side and scewed the story.

J: Well, to my personal knowledge it seems that TMZ were the only celebrity hounds that contacted Bam for direct quotes. He also seems to be kinda laughing about the incident. All the other sites seem to be rehashing TMZ’s story with different words. So are there any other celebrities that you want to fight?

A: I think Charlie Sheen, because I’m sick of this winning shit .

J: Excellent answer! As a teddy bear that you seem to be, you don’t take shit from assholes. From the years that I’ve known you all of your fights have been within reasonable question. You’re not a shit starter, but do tell a time that you did get your ass kicked for being a lil punk.

A: Hahaha! One time I was visting my home town of Rochester, NY. My friend Chris Hubbard was a drunken mess. He hit on the wrong girl in a club. We both got jumped by like 8 people! I was so turned around I think I punched a bouncer who was trying to help me out of the fight. Haha. Everyone needs to get beat up at some point. It’s a part of our journey to manhood.  FPH